Where To Begin With Boundaries?
There is often talk that boundaries are important and they are, boundaries help to protect your health, your wellbeing and your energy however boundaries is a huge topic and often in itself can be overwhelming. There are work boundaries, social media boundaries, time boundaries, physical boundaries, relationship boundaries...... the list is endless and I believe that this is one of the reasons people feel that boundaries are so hard.
When you start to think about your boundaries, and what you want to put in place, you can often spiral into thinking everything needs looking at all at once, you start to feel overwhelmed, thoughts get muddled, you don't know where to begin and then its easier to carry on as you have done than actually make any decisions.
And I get it, many of the women I work with, have courageously told me that they know they want to put boundaries in place, they know change needs to take place but they feel utterly overwhelmed with where to begin. So below I share one of the ways that I approach the topic of boundaries with my clients, a process which is calm, logical and puts you firmly in control.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." Brene Brown
But before we start a word of caution, boundaries are important and I'm a huge advocate for them however not everyone will agree with your boundaries, you may disappoint those around you, and that can be hard to deal with. This can be particularly tricky for those who have people pleasing tendencies, and yes that was me, and even now I can have my wobbles. Previously I have felt guilt, shame and fear for daring to put boundaries in place so if that is you know you aren't alone.
For those of you who may feel you need support committing to boundaries then perhaps working with a coach might be what you need. Not all of you will need this and it is completely possible to do this alone however if you have attempted to put in place boundaries but struggle to stick to them, then working with a coach might be something to consider.
So you are ready to put in place some boundaries but where do you begin?
-Think about all the areas of your life that you would like to have clear defined boundaries.
-Make a list and come back to this over several days
-Now with your list in front of you pick just one area that if you could have clear distinct boundaries in would make a difference to your wellbeing and energy levels.
-Now focussing on that one area, and only that area, pop a boundary in place, check it is realistic, achievable and you know your reasons for doing so.
-Write this new boundary down and the reasons why you are doing this.
-At any point you feel it is tricky to stick to, remind yourself of your reasons and what you risk losing by not sticking to it.
I hope this helps, boundaries are important for your health, for your wellbeing, and for your energy levels but, that doesn't make it easy to put in place what you need. My hope is this offers you a framework of how you can approach and navigate boundaries.
I would love to hear how you get on.
Tunbridge Wells Women's Coach
"Supporting Women to Live Confident Fulfilled Lives"